


The Barriers Between

by lionessvalenti



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bed-Wetting, Diapers, Established Relationship, Incontinence, Lack of Communication, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-13 03:56:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16009787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lionessvalenti/pseuds/lionessvalenti
Summary: Bucky's been keeping his bed-wetting a secret from Steve at the cost of their relationship, but the secret being out doesn't make it better.





	The Barriers Between

Bucky woke up sweaty and shaking, and his sheets were _soaked_. The piss in his bed was starting to cool, making everything scratchy and stiff. He peeled back the blankets and climbed out of bed.

It was just after four in the morning. He knew Steve was up at five, sometimes for a run, but other times, to make a big breakfast for the both of them. He'd have to clean this up fast. However, the first thing he did was turn around and slam his big toe right into his night stand.

The pain, even as it rippled up his leg, was negligible, and he didn't make a sound. But that didn't stop the alarm clock from falling off and smashing against the hardwood floor into a million pieces with a surprisingly loud crash.

"Shit," Bucky muttered. He could already hear Steve stirring in the next room. He'd have to think of something fast, or maybe he could jump out the window and hope for the best, starting a new life with only a wrinkled tee shirt and his piss-soaked boxer shorts.

"Buck?" Steve called, knocking on the half open door before pushing it open the rest of the way. "You okay?"

"I'm fine, go back to bed," Bucky said quickly, covering the front of his shorts with his hands. What on earth would Steve think he was hiding? An erection? That was a stupid thought. He didn't have to hide that from Steve. They had to be the only couple in New York City who slept in separate bedrooms. Steve never pushed him too hard on why, just leaving the invitation to his bedroom open, but Bucky couldn't expose Steve to... this.

Except he had. Steve could see everything: the wet spot on Bucky's bed and his dirty underwear. His face remained a sort of neutral-concerned as he processed this information, and then he smiled.

"Why don't you go take a shower and get into some clean clothes?" He motioned toward the bed. "I'll take care of this."

"No, you don't--" Bucky cut himself off and sighed. Red faced, he said, "It's not the first time it's happened. I can handle it."

Steve moved toward him and carefully took his hand. This close, he could probably smell the fresh piss, but he didn't say anything, because of course he wouldn't, because Steve was annoyingly perfect. "You don't have to handle it alone. Go take a shower. Take all the time you need."

Bucky relented. He knew Steve wouldn't let it go. Fine, if he wanted to deal with Bucky's gross pee bed, then he could. He pulled from Steve's grasp and walked down to the bathroom without a word.

He left his soggy clothes in a pile on the bathroom floor and took a half hour long shower. He washed himself off, but most of the time was spent moping underneath the hot spray.

This had been an ongoing problem since HYDRA had been exposed and he'd been on his own. Maybe it had been a problem before that. His memories were still a mess. Some things were vivid and clear, while others melted away into fog. Sometimes, he wasn't sure what was real and what was something he'd made up.

When Bucky finally emerged from the shower, he realized Steve must have slipped in at some point, because his dirty clothes were gone, and a fresh pair of boxers and a clean tee shirt were sitting on the sink for him. He put them on, and then brushed his teeth. Feeling finally clean, he walked out of the bathroom.

The washing machine was running, and when he passed by his bedroom, the bed was made, even with clean pillowcases. The lights in the kitchen were on, and Bucky followed them down the hall.

Steve was mixing something in a bowl, and the waffle iron was sitting out on the counter. He turned when he sensed Bucky's approach and smiled. "Hi."

"Hi," Bucky echoed. He pulled out a chair and sat down. "You want to talk about it?"

"Do _you_ want to talk about it?" Steve set down the bowl and leaned against the counter. 

"No."

"Okay. Do you want blueberry waffles or plain? The blueberries are probably only going to be good for a couple more days unless we use them. We could make muffins with them."

Bucky dropped his face into his hands. One was warm, and the other was cold. "I can't talk about blueberries," he said, defeated. He lifted his head and looked across the room at Steve. "You don't have to be so nice about this."

Steve's brow furrowed. "Why wouldn't I be nice? Bucky, these things happen. Life happens. And it's happened a lot harder to you than most. I love you. I'm here for you, no matter what. You have to have known that."

"I know," Bucky said, but he really didn't know. "It's embarrassing."

"I know it is. You maybe don't remember this, but one time, we were about fourteen and I was staying the night at your place. I peed in your bed, with you in it. I thought I'd stopped having accidents, though I went on a lot longer than most kids. There I was, was trying not to cry, and you took care of it like it was nothing. You said your little sisters peed the bed all the time. And you know there wasn't a washing machine in that apartment. Everything got sent out to the laundress. I don't know what you told your mom. But you never treated me like a baby, even after that. It's the least I can do for you."

None of this seemed familiar, but that didn't mean it wasn't true. Or maybe Steve made it up to make him feel better, but that really didn't sound like him. Steve always told the truth, even to a fault. Bucky could only assume this happened, and his teenage self was really that thoughtful.

"Is this why you didn't want to share a room?" Steve asked quietly when Bucky didn't respond to the story.

Bucky nodded, relieved at a direct question. "It's not like it happens every night, but -- I don't know when it's going to happen."

"Just at night?" Steve asked.

"Yeah," Bucky replied, though that was also a half truth. The full blown accidents only happened at night. During the day, he'd managed to make it to the bathroom when he realized he was about to wet himself. A couple of times, he'd barely made it. It was like his brain couldn't keep up with his body's demands, and he had no idea it was coming, until it was actually happening. There was nowhere he could run when he was asleep.

Steve swallowed. "You know, they... they make incontinence aids."

"Diapers," Bucky said flatly. "You mean diapers."

"Is it... is it worse than making a big mess? It could maybe relieve some of the stress."

Bucky felt his face heat up. It wasn't as if the thought hadn't crossed his mind -- it had. But those thoughts had involved trying to hide it from Steve in their tiny two bedroom apartment. He'd been hiding the accidents up until this point, but it would have been a lot more to hide disposable diapers. Buying them, storing them, throwing them away.

That wouldn't be the case anymore. Steve would know, and probably wouldn't want to ever sleep with him again, but at least he was being kind about it.

"Buck?"

His head snapped up at Steve saying his name. "I don't know where to start."

Steve gave him a little smile. "I'll look into it."

Three days later, an unmarked box showed up. It was addressed to Steve, with only a bland company name at the return address.

"What is this?" Bucky asked. When he picked it up, it weighed nothing.

"Oh, uh." Steve's face went pink. "That's the, uh, incontinence underwear. I ordered them online. They got here fast."

"Oh." Bucky set the box down on the table and ripped open the tape. Sure enough, three dark grey packages sat inside. He pulled one out and looked at the front label. A male model from the shoulders down wearing a black tee shirt and a pair of the grey _incontinence briefs_ as it said across the front.

"The website said it wasn't like a diaper," Steve said. He had picked up one of the other packages and was inspecting the back label. "They look, uh, very masculine."

"Yeah, it might as well have 'definitely not a diaper' written on it in big letters," Bucky said, before snorting a laugh. They could call it whatever they wanted, put it in whatever color, it was still a diaper that he had to wear because he couldn't go the night without pissing himself.

He glanced over at Steve, who was still a little pink in the cheeks as he read the instructions (wear, piss, dispose, probably). Steve didn't have to do any of this. He could left Bucky in his time of need, or mocked him, but he got the necessary supplies instead. "Thanks, Steve."

Steve set down the package in his hands and gently took the one from Bucky's and placed it back in the box. He took Bucky's hand and squeezed it, before leaning in to kiss him. "Anything for you," he mumbled.

* * *

When Bucky put on his first pair, he had to admit that they weren't terrible. The front of them sported very obvious padding, and he wondered if that would puff up when it got used. It wasn't nearly as bulky as he expected, and with his jeans on, they were basically invisible, though he didn't plan to actually wear them during the day. He was fine then. Or at least, he was manageable then.

He had the strangest inclination to show them to Steve. But that was stupid. Steve didn't want to see this. Or maybe Bucky didn't want Steve to see it, not really. Maybe now they could both, as well as they could, forget the whole thing.

As he crawled into bed in his diaper and tee shirt, he wondered if this would be when they'd get tested. Maybe it was over. Maybe this was all an unnecessary step. He didn't really believe that, not after fighting this for as long as he had, but it was nice to dream.

He thought about Steve in the next room over. They hadn't had sex since Steve found out. Why would they? Steve touched him, kissed him, said kind things, but Bucky held back. It didn't stop him from thinking of Steve's hands on him, and Steve's mouth on his stomach, and moving downward. He could go into the other bedroom right now. He doubted that Steve would deny him after almost a week.

Instead, Bucky shoved his hand down the front of the briefs and tried to jerk himself off as quickly and as quietly as possible. It was better this way. Easier. Faster. Simpler.

He had to admit, the way the head of his cock rubbed against the front of the diaper felt pretty good, as he jerked up from the base. The friction sent little shockwaves up his spine, and before he knew it, he was coming and biting his lip to keep from moaning. His orgasm hadn't even faded, his nerves still tingling, when he started to pee.

Shocked, Bucky froze, his hand getting coated in hot piss. He'd never been so _aware_ of his accidents before, usually stopping them before they started or waking up after it was over. There wasn't even a reason to jump up or try to stop himself. He lay there, half in shock, pissing his pants, and letting the diaper fill up. He could feel it running over his balls and between his ass cheeks.

When he was finally done, Bucky took stock of the damage. The front pad _had_ puffed up a bit, and when he placed his other hand over it, he found it softer than before, and warm. There'd be no mistaking when he'd used the diaper.

Slowly, he pulled his soiled hand from the briefs wiped them off on the front, and then got out of bed. The diaper weighed heavy between his legs, but when he looked back at the sheets, they were completely dry. 

Okay. Maybe this wasn't going to be so bad.

As Bucky cleaned himself up using the wipes that Steve had bought along with the diapers ( _adult wipes_ , they said, listing any possible use besides cleaning up urine), he became increasingly grateful that he hadn't gone to Steve's room. Finally, he pulled on a clean pair of briefs.

It was only night one, and he was already onto his second diaper.

* * *

The subject didn't come up again. It couldn't be completely ignored, not while they were still sleeping in separate bedrooms, not while it was this thing was literally creating a barrier between them. But they were both very good at pointedly not talking about it.

Bucky stripped out of his clothes before bed one night, and grabbed a pair of of the briefs out of the package. It had been a couple of weeks, and he'd woken up in the morning a few times with a wet diaper and no memory of the accident. He was resting easier with them, sleeping better even when woke completely dry.

The floorboards creaked behind him, and Bucky turned around. He'd left the door part way open without realizing it, and now Steve was watching him. Wearing only the diaper.

Steve flushed and looked away. "Sorry, I -- I didn't -- uh, good night, Buck."

"Good night," Bucky said after him, as Steve walked back to his own room. _Fuck_. He sank onto the bed and buried his face in his hands. He was a sideshow freak, teetering between the edge of Steve not wanting to look at him, and unable to look away.

But like everything else, they didn't talk about it.

After that, Steve left for a few days for work, as he did, and Bucky stayed home. He sometimes went on missions, but with everything going on, he thought it best to stay.

"If that's what you want to do," Steve had said. 

With Steve gone, Bucky was left to his own devices. He tried to keep to his schedule, but found it impossible to stay asleep for more than a couple hours at a time. He didn't even share a bed with Steve, but Bucky missed his presence that much. Instead of tossing and turning, he went to the gym in the middle of the night.

It was sort of nice, almost having the entire place to himself. There were only a few other people around, but at this hour, everyone kept their eyes to themselves. Bucky was no stranger than anyone else, in his tank top with his metal arm exposed, receiving nothing more than a casual nod of a greeting if he happened to make eye contact with someone.

Bucky kept aware of his body as he worked out. Not just focusing on his muscle groups, but tried to keep up on whether or not he had to pee. He wasn't sure how he'd feel wearing a diaper under his gym shorts, so he went without. Besides, the only way he was going stop wearing them altogether was training himself to know when he had to go.

Except it didn't help. He was in the middle of a leg press when it hit him: he had to go. Right then.

Carefully, he released the press, not letting the weights slam before he got up and _ran_ to the locker room. The damned thing was on the other side of the gym, and he could already feel his underwear getting wet with little spurts of piss.

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck_ Bucky thought, shamelessly grabbing onto his crotch as he pushed open the locker room door with his shoulder. He banked left toward the toilets and showers, but it was too late. The dam had burst, and only five feet from the urinals, he began to piss in earnest. He actually dropped to his knees with his hands on the floor as his underwear and shorts became thoroughly soaked. The piss ran down the inside of his legs, and the tingle of relief filtered through the humiliation, until the puddle that surrounded him reached his palms.

There was no relief in being the guy who pissed all over himself and the floor. When anyone could walk in and see him.

Bucky's chest felt like it was about to cave in on itself. He tried to get up, but body suddenly weighed a hundred tons, and he couldn't breathe. His arms shook beneath his weight as he gasped for air. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to regain control, but wasn't that where this all started? He didn't have control? He couldn't control even the most simple of bodily functions, no wonder he couldn't breathe. His lungs failed him, the same way his bladder did.

Panic attack. This was a panic attack.

He sucked in a huge, gasping breath and let it out just as quickly. He did that a few more times, each time holding the breath a bit longer than the last until his breathing was even again. His head was spinning, but at least he could move. Legs shaking, he finally got to his feet.

He was still shivering as he got a huge stack of paper towels and cleaned up the mess. He threw the soaked towels in the trash and after a couple of seconds considering it, he peeled off his shorts and underwear, and threw them away, too.

Bucky showered, turning the hot water on as high as it would go. It wasn't until he was getting dressed that another person walked into the locker room. He left out a little sigh of relief. Without making eye contact, he hunched his shoulders and stalked out of the gym.

* * *

Steve returned three days later.

"How was the mission?" Bucky asked, as he plopped down next to Steve on the couch. Steve looked over at him, their arms touching, and he smiled. He looked somewhat surprised, but pleased. It made Bucky's stomach churn. Had he really been putting that much distance between himself and Steve?

Probably. When he thought about it, it seemed completely likely. But Steve was the one who couldn't even look at him sometimes. The look of utter shame on Steve's face, catching him in the diaper. Bucky tried not to think about it. He tried to appreciate that Steve's hadn't pulled away from him.

"It was fine," Steve said. "It ended up just being me and Nat."

"So absolutely nothing reckless happened, then," Bucky deadpanned.

Steve laughed. "No, definitely not. Everything went exactly to plan." He reached up and ran his fingers through Bucky's hair. "I missed you."

"I missed you too." Bucky hesitated. He hadn't felt this anxious about kissing Steve since the first time he'd done it when they were kids. He leaned in slowly, and Steve closed the gap the rest of the way, their mouths pressing together. Steve moaned, his hand coming up to cup Bucky's cheek.

Bucky pulled back long enough to shift his weight so he could straddle Steve's lap. Steve's eyes widened, and a slow grin spread across his face. He grabbed the hem of Bucky's shirt and pulled it up over his head.

"Yes," Bucky muttered, leaning down to kiss Steve again. His mouth was so hot, his hands skimming up Bucky's sides like he was looking for something. His hand slid around to Bucky's back, short nails raking down Bucky's back. It didn't hurt, more like a pleasant, scratchy massage.

Their chests pressed together, Bucky burying his face in Steve's neck, digging at the skin with his teeth. 

With a moan, Steve's hand slid down the back of Bucky's jeans, and Bucky jerked back.

"No."

It happened so suddenly. Bucky had completely forgotten he was wearing the diaper. He never would have started kissing if he had, and maybe that was part of the problem, but god, how could he have _forgotten_? No, he knew. He'd been far too caught up in connecting with Steve. 

For a second, he thought he could have both.

Steve pulled his hands away like he'd been burned, and Bucky rolled off of him, and to the other side of the couch. They sat like that for a few minutes before Steve finally spoke.

"I thought you weren't wearing them during the day." His tone was even, a sort of manufactured neutral.

Bucky chewed the inside of his cheek. The instinct to flee to his room was so strong, but he couldn't move. He couldn't do that to Steve. He forced the words out of his mouth. "There was an accident while you were gone."

"Okay," Steve said slowly. "You're wearing them all the time now?"

"Yeah."

"So, are we never going to have sex again?" He groaned, rubbing his hand over his face, like he realized how harsh that sounded. "I mean, I can wait, we can take all the time you need. We can wait until you've got this under control, no matter how long that is. If you want."

Bucky sat up a bit. "What do you want? Because you couldn't even look at me."

Steve blinked. "We were just making out."

"No, no, before you left. When you saw me in the--" Bucky broke off.

"Oh, Buck," Steve said softly. He turned his gaze to the floor. "No, that's not... I don't want you to hate me. I understand how hard this is for you, and I don't want to make it worse."

Bucky stared at him. "What are you talking about?"

Steve looked at him with this big, sorrowful eyes before looking away again. "I think it's -- I find the whole thing... when I think about you wearing the diapers, or using them, it..." He paused, swallowing loudly, his hands trembling with his fingers laced together. "It turns me on. And I'm sorry."

" _What_?" Bucky continued to stare at him, like he'd never seen Steve before in his life. His whole body tingled with confusion and possibly relief. He'd been so stuck on the idea that Steve was ashamed of him, it never occurred to him that it could be anything else. He didn't expect _this_. "You think this is sexy?"

"Mmhm," Steve replied, still staring at the floor. "This is all happening as a result of trauma and I'm fetishizing it. You think I'm disgusted with you, you're the one who should be disgusted with me." 

"I'm not, I'm... I'm confused. Did you always--"

"No!" Steve jerked his head up. "It started when... I guess when we got the diapers. I thought it meant you'd finally want to move into my room and we could... move forward. But then it was like a bigger secret that we both knew about and couldn't talk about. And when I saw you, it got -- it intensified. Your body is -- you know I like it, and it was like getting a glimpse at a secret. I couldn't stop thinking about it."

Bucky nodded slowly. "Me... having to use the diaper?"

"Yeah. And getting to change them for you." Steve's face was tomato red, and his words were barely above a whisper. His fingernails were digging into the backs of his hands.

"Like a baby?"

Steve shook his head. "No, I'm not -- like a service? Like when I cleaned up your bed and washed your clothes. I want to take care of you for this."

"And then... have sex?"

"Maybe? If you wanted to -- if _we_ wanted to?"

Bucky pressed his lips together. He still didn't fully understand, but he hated seeing Steve look so uncomfortable. He scooted across the couch and wrapped his arm around Steve's shoulders. Steve sort of crumbled in his arms, pressing his face to Bucky's chest.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"I'm sorry too," Bucky replied. "I should have told you about the bed-wetting before. I shouldn't have treated all of this like a secret. Not with you."

Steve shifted out of Bucky's embrace. His cheeks were blotchy as his flush receded. "I'm just glad we can talk about it now. Things are changing and I don't want to lose you. Not again."

Bucky touched Steve's hot cheek with his hand. "That was never going to happen, pal. And, you know, if this is something you're into, we can--"

"We'll figure it out," Steve said quickly, his face going red again. "Together."

* * *

The first change was Bucky sleeping in Steve's room. It wasn't quite _their_ room yet, but at the end of the day, that was where Bucky stripped down to the diaper and crawled into bed next to Steve.

He had an accident the first night. Maybe it was the change, however small, but he refused to obsess over it. Honestly, his body did him a favor. Now he didn't have to worry about when it was going to happen. It was done.

Bucky got out of bed and tossed out the soiled diaper. He cleaned himself with the wipes and pulled on a clean pair of briefs. He turned around, surprised to see Steve watching him.

"Did I wake you up?"

Steve shook his head. "Is it okay that I watched?"

Bucky smiled as he climbed back into bed. "I would have gone into the bathroom if it wasn't." He curled up against Steve's chest, relaxing as Steve wrapped an arm around him. He could feel Steve's erection against his stomach. Maybe it had been there before, a regular mid-sleep hard on, or maybe it was from watching Bucky change the diaper. It was a strange thought, but Bucky didn't hate it. He brought his hand down to cup Steve's dick through his pants. "You want me to do something about this?"

"You don't have to--"

"I missed having sex too, you know," Bucky said. He tugged down the front of Steve's pajama pants until his cock popped out from beneath the elastic waistband. He traced his fingers over the lines of Steve's cock, grinning as it twitched beneath his touch.

"You dirty tease," Steve gasped.

Bucky laughed. "You want more?"

" _Please_."

Feather light, Bucky swirled the pad of his index finger over the head of Steve's dick. "You been jerking off a lot?"

Steve whined, his hips jerking toward Bucky's hand.

Bucky tilted his face up to look at Steve, whose eyes were squeezed closed and his mouth open. Bucky grinned and ra his finger over the crown again. "I want to know."

" _Yes_." Steve cracked open an eye to get a look at Bucky. "Nearly every night."

"Hmm, so a handjob's not going to do it." Bucky slid down until he could capture Steve's cock with his mouth. Steve's hips bucked wildly, and it was all Bucky could do not gag as Steve's cock rammed against the back of his throat. Bucky barely had his mouth around it for thirty seconds when Steve came sharp and suddenly.

"Sorry!" Steve said breathlessly. "I didn't mean to--"

Bucky swallowed the bitter come and laughed. He stretched out again so his head was tucked beneath Steve's chin. "It's okay. Not much work and a big reward. We're going to have to get your stamina back up, though."

Steve squeezed him. "Jerk."

"Too bad they don't make the radio serials anymore. Captain America and the Premature Ejaculation."

Steve laughed and nuzzled -- actually fucking _nuzzled_ \-- the top of Bucky's head. "Well, then, you're going to have to get me back into prime condition."

"That a challenge?" Bucky asked. He draped his leg over Steve's lap, knowing the front padding the diaper was pressed to Steve's thigh. He probably wasn't going to have a second accident in the night, but it still felt like a step forward.

"You better believe it is."

* * *

Bucky ran. His legs burned as he tried to keep up with Steve, who didn't seem to appreciate the fact that he was more balanced, without the extra weight on his left side, meaning he could run faster.

A few minutes before, it had been a casual run through the park, more of a quick jog than anything. They'd kept pace with each other, even keeping up a little bit of a conversation until Steve tapped Bucky's shoulder and said, "Race ya home."

Bucky had laughed and tried to catch up, but Steve's initial burst of speed gave him an incredible head start. There was no way he was going to catch up, but he tried anyway, not giving Steve the satisfaction of him slowing down.

Until he stopped dead in his tracks. He doubled over, hands on his knees, as he pissed himself. It started before he even realized it was happening. Taking slow, deep breaths, he reminded himself that this wasn't like last time. He was protected, nothing escaping as the diaper filled. In a minute Steve would realize he wasn't being followed anymore and come back.

Sure enough, Bucky felt a hand on his back. "You okay, Buck?"

Bucky shook his head. He still didn't quite have air in his lungs, but at least that was from the run and not another panic attack. Everything was hot from his face, to the soaked padding between his legs, and the relief that flooded his system as he let go.

Steve squatted down next to him, and in a quiet voice asked, "Are you having an accident?"

They were going to have to come up with a better term for this. It sounded so juvenile. Bucky's face flared with shame, but he nodded. There was no way he could have even a conversation about this this while he was still peeing.

Steve wrapped his hand around Bucky's wrist and held onto him quietly. Finally, the flow tapered off, and Bucky turned his head to Steve.

"It's done."

"Okay." Steve stood and then helped Bucky into a standing position before they started walking home. They were only a few blocks away, but it felt like miles. It was uncomfortable, the diaper soggy and heavy, like a warm water balloon strapped between Bucky's thighs. But he walked slowly, with Steve's arm around his waist, like they were just cooling down at the end of their run.

When they made it home, Bucky made a beeline for the bathroom. He shucked off his gym shorts, grateful that other than being sweaty, they were perfectly dry, and was about to pull off the briefs, when he had another thought.

"Hey, Steve?"

Moments later, Steve pushed open the door. He'd already taken off his shirt, revealing the sheen of sweat across his chest. His jaw was slack was he gazed into the room: Bucky in only his tee shirt and bloated diaper, steadying himself against the sink with his left hand. 

"Yeah?"

Bucky smiled a little bit, and held out his flesh hand. It was trembling. "You want to help me with this?"

For a second, Steve looked like he might cry, but then he grinned. He took Bucky's hand on his own and brought the back of it to his lips. "What do you need?"

"You know what I need," Bucky said. This is what Steve wanted, or at least what he thought he wanted. Maybe the reality of it wasn't going to as satisfying. It was worth it to try, now that Bucky was ready. "Go ahead."

Steve kissed the back of Bucky's hand again before releasing it and dropping to his knees. He ran his fingers over the puffed up padding, and Bucky tensed a little. Steve had touched the diapers before, even had his hand inside of them, but never after they'd been used. At those times, it had been easy to convince himself that they were regular underwear, but not now.

"Buck?" Steve asked, when he felt the change in Bucky's posture.

"Keep going," Bucky said. He even gave Steve a smile. "It's just new."

Steve smiled back and then tugged the soiled diaper down Bucky's legs. He stepped out of them carefully and Steve tossed it into the trash. Bucky could smell it, and with his face that close, there was no way Steve couldn't, but his face remained determinedly neutral, his only reveal being his pink cheeks.

Steve grabbed the wipes off the sink and pulled one out of the package. He started at the inside of Bucky's thighs, wiping down the left one first, and then the right, before capturing Bucky's soft cock in the cool cloth. At the contact, like an aftershock, a burst of urine spurted from his dick, hitting Steve on the chest. More trickled out onto the floor between them.

Bucky froze. He could feel the blood draining from his face. He wanted to run, but there was nowhere to go, so he tensed like a statue. Using the diaper, wetting the bed, it was all bad, but this was a new level of shame.

"Hey," Steve said, his tone sharp, as it snap Bucky out of it. It sort of worked, Bucky able to look down at him. He gave Bucky a soothing smile. "It's fine. No harm done."

"I -- I -- I didn't mean--"

"Bucky, I know." Steve dropped the wipe and rested both of his hands on Bucky's hips. "Life's messy and we're dealing with it. Let's face it, you peed on me and it's probably not going to be the last time. And it's all right. I'm signed on for all of this, okay?"

Shakily, Bucky nodded. "Okay."

"You want me to keep going?" Steve asked.

Bucky couldn't stop staring at the way his urine rolled down Steve's front, before soaking into the waistband of his shorts. The trail of it, already drying was still there. He took a deep breath. "Keep going."

Steve got a clean wipe first ran it over his torso, before he took Bucky's cock again, a little more gently this time. He cleaned Bucky's balls, and Bucky actually felt himself relax some. When he let go of the horror of it all, Steve's work was deeply satisfying, like the way it felt to scratch an itch.

Steve reached further between Bucky's legs to swipe the cloth between his ass cheeks in one sweeping motion. He tossed out the wipe and reached under the sink for a clean diaper.

"How you doing?" he asked, not looking up at Bucky as he unfolded the briefs.

"I'm fine," Bucky replied. He reached down and ran his hand through Steve's hair. "Is this, uh, what you thought it'd be?"

Steve looked up at him and smiled brilliantly. "It's better. Is that weird?"

"I don't know," Bucky replied with a laugh. "We're making this up as we go along."

"I guess we are." Steve held up the diaper, and then brought it back down to his lap. "Would you rather take a shower first? You could have done that in the first place."

"No, I think I want to lay down for a while," Bucky said. "I'll shower later."

Steve nodded, and then held out the briefs again. Bucky stepped into them and Steve pulled them up until they were secure around Bucky's hips. He stood up and Bucky pulled him into a hug.

"Thank you," he mumbled into his Steve's neck.

"No," Steve said, pressing his forehead to the side of Bucky's head, "thank you for trusting me with this. It means so much to me. Now, you wanna be alone? Or do you mind if I nap with you?"

Bucky smiled as he pulled back to get a good look at Steve's face. "Come with me."

They went into the bedroom -- maybe it _was_ their room now -- and Bucky took off his shirt, while Steve stripped out of his shorts. They curled up in the bed together, Bucky resting his head on Steve's chest. He closed his eyes. The only thing between them now was the diaper, but it was no longer a barrier.


End file.
